It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
