Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
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