that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I'm gonna fight the coyote
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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