at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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