I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Randomize
