as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
this is an emotional support booty call
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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