So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
you win again, gameday.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
