I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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