brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
