hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
