Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
