Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
