i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Someone came in the potted fern
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
