is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
