You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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