Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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