he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
