stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Every concussion has its silver lining
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
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