i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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