I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
