my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
