i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
