If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
