a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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