my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
