Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
