Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
