If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Randomize
