I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
