its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
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