I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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