Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
