There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
