Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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