There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
