i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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