We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
