Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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