i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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