this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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