Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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