If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
