I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
