I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
