i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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