Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
