So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
