i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
