so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
