Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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