I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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