Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
As shirtless as possible
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
