I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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