Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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