No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
