nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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