ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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