Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
